11.24.2009

The Morning of...

(photo compliments of Matt Major)


I sit here on the morning of my last chemotherapy treatment, with my coffee in hand (something I enjoy that has not been off limits during my treatment - little blessings!) It's early and everyone else is asleep. But, I sit here amazed that this day has arrived.

Six months ago, arriving at this day seemed like an insurmountable peak (but, I knew I would do it!)

When they told me that I had a blood clot in my lung, this day seemed quite possibly unreachable (but I knew I could do it!)

When they told me that the results of my blood work would prevent me from receiving treatment one week, this day seemed to get further away (but, I knew I would eventually reach it!)

When they told me that they thought the cancer has already spread and I waited to hear results, I forgot about this day altogether (but, I knew I would get here!)

And, although I still wait for more test results and phone calls from doctors to tell me bits and pieces of what my future may hold, I know how special this day truly is!

You see, through all of the uncertainty, there has been one constant - community! We never travel these rocky paths alone. Although I have been removed from most of my normal community throughout my treatment, I have still felt the strength of many. Through cards, messages on my caring bridge site and phone calls, the spirit of community has thrived in this time of isolation.

And at the center of my experience of community have been a group of nurses, doctors and technicians who have lined my path with hope, compassion and humor. For those who know me best, you know I spent yesterday writing more than a dozen letters to all those in the infusion room. As much as I never want to walk into that infusion room again, I will miss these "angels" that have been such a significant part of my journey to this day.

It makes me think of all those who have traveled throughout salvation history...although at times people step apart for reflection and prayer (sometimes by choice and sometimes not), they always return to community. For it is in community, that we see most clearly the manifestation of God's grace in so many varied ways.

Who in your "community" is a reflection of God's grace? Who reminds you of the importance of humor in this life? Who, with just a moment in their presence, gives you the gift of joy? Perhaps that person in your life needs to know this!

Now, for whom are YOU these things? We all have a purpose in our "community" - someone depends on YOU for a reminder of the goodness in this life! Perhaps You need to know this!

Yes, this day seemed so far away back in May. Yet, here it is and I will celebrate its' arrival; that is until I am knocked out by the chemo drugs later on this morning. But, when I come to again, I will give thanks for seeing this day arrive.

I know I will then need to look ahead to the next phase of treatment, but I will look down that road and know that I can do it!

Have a blessed day and until next time, we take a sacred pause...