Finding Socks That Fit

{image from Ms Ladyred's flickr site}

My husband and I are big Seinfeld fans... So, it seems fitting that in talking about prayer I might find a connection with this hilarious series on television. For those of you who remember, may this be a comical reminder. For those who have not seen this, perhaps my description will help bridge the gap between it and our reflection on prayer!

Here’s the scene: Elaine has taken a job as a personal assistant for Mr. Pitts, a difficult and self-absorbed millionaire. Her job, on this given day, is to find Mr. Pitts a proper pair of white socks. Elaine is sitting exasperated on her knees in front of Mr. Pitts, among a sea of socks – all different sizes. As he tries on the socks, he shows his dissatisfaction with her selections by saying things like: “No, no...they’re too tight”; “these are too big, they won’t stay up”; “they’re to short, they’ll eventually bunch up” – you get the idea! It is a hysterical look at how sometimes, even with a multitude of options, we can’t ever find the right thing.

I think that this is often our view on prayer… We are constantly trying to find the prayer that “fits” us, and in the process we find ourselves saying: “it’s too tight and confining,” or “it’s too loose; is this really even prayer,” or my personal favorite: “does this really even count as prayer?” …and so on.

When I was first a mom, I had a beautiful little prayer space in my bedroom. We had a large room that included a dormer on our cape style house, and in it was a big comfy chair with a small table by its side, which held small reminders of spiritual experiences (prayer stones, angels, shells, etc.). Every day, faithfully, I would take time and sit down in the quiet to pray.

Well, that beautiful room has now been divided to make two bedrooms for the children, I had to get rid of the comfy chair because the kids poked a hole in it and started pulling out the stuffing, and don’t even ask me where those sweet little spiritual reminders went. In other words, our prayer takes on new forms as our faith journeys unfold. I like to call it “Living with the Winds of Change.”

To begin, we need to approach prayer with the understanding that our prayer forms may change depending on the needs of the moment. If we find that a particular prayer form isn’t working for us, then it’s o.k. to try something new. Let me say that again: “It’s o.k. to try something new!” I think that this is important because so many people grow up with the idea that there is only one way to pray. So, as we look at our prayer life now, we need to be honest about what is working and what isn’t.

Secondly, we need to approach God with honesty in our prayer. Remember, it’s not so much the words that are used, but rather the sincerity with which the prayer is presented. God already knows the state of my heart, which leads me to think that it’s not God that needs to hear me voice my prayer, but rather “me” that needs to hear my prayers voiced.

As I voice my prayer, I think about my working definition of prayer: anything that we think, say or do, that communicates to God that which is true to our heart at any given moment, is prayer.

So, in other words…the ways of praying are wrapped up in the many varied ways that we think, speak, and act. If we write, draw, paint, walk, sing, dance, or talk in a way that reflects our belief in God, we are praying. We just need to know that there are many different ways to pray. And if we are wondering if that prayer is pleasing to God, we only need to look to the sincerity of our words, thoughts or actions.

A Busy Mom’s Approach to Prayer:

The hardest thing for us as moms is finding time to quiet down, but we do need a moment of quiet in our day, and even I can find 90 seconds (even if it’s in the bathroom). There is nothing that replaces that silence.

I read once, in a book by Matthew Kelly, about a naval tradition in another country where upon learning of an attack or great peril, everyone on board stops and stands in silence for 90 seconds before responding; they call it a 90 second stop. I wonder how many people are praying in that 90 seconds?

We need time to try and connect with the divine, which is hard to do in the context of the noise, arguing, cleaning, constant needs, etc. So, in that 90 second stop, we really need a practice that will help us to quiet down are bodies and concentrate on our breathing. The use of a mantra can often help. If, in the midst of chaos I can call on a word or phrase that is familiar, I can often distract myself long enough (usually just a minute) so that I have greater clarity on the reality at hand.

Let’s face it: whatever stage are children are in – it’s challenging! Our perspective on these crazy lives, is often locked in our current reality. Someone might say to me “just wait until…” Well, we have to “wait” because until we are there, we can’t really know what that moment will mean to us. We can speculate, but we won’t really know.

As moms, I think we need something “to do” to help us call ourselves to prayer – an action. It could be a mantra, as we mentioned earlier. Perhaps a phrase such as “enter, peace” will help us to slow down the intensity of a moment.

Another idea comes from a friend of mine, who I believe heard this from another. But, the idea is to place a bowl somewhere in your home or your workplace, where you will see it often. Every time you experience a moment of joy or grace, pour a little water in the bowl. You get the idea: at the end of our day, it can often be hard to remember all the goodness, but the water can help us recall that in every day there is “something!”

I have a lot of visual reminders around my home, different pictures or items that to some may not seem like typical spiritual reminders, but to me are spiritually inspiring. No matter where I am in the house, I can turn to one of these reminders and it can give me reason to pause.

We can also explore the formal prayers that we learned growing up because, in so many ways, they connect us with all those throughout the journey that makes up “our story.” They connect us with the thread of faith that weaves its way through our lives– I find great comfort in that.

Last, but not least…invite your gifts into your prayer! There are natural gifts that you have, and what a wonderful way to honor your relationship with God to invite them into your prayer. So, my writing can be prayer; my singing can be prayer; my running can be prayer; my mothering can be prayer – it all depends on the perspective with which I enter into the action.

It was once said that St. Francis didn’t so much pray, as his life was Prayer...May your life today be Prayer…

Until next time, we take a sacred pause…

Gathering Stones...

{image from Ms Ladyred's flickr site}

I am so pleased that you have stopped by for another visit; I hope that you enjoy the newly added music! If you have subscribed to this site, please make sure that you respond to the e-mail verification; this will keep you informed of any updates made to the site. My hope is to provide you with new reflections, at least, once a week...Enjoy!


My children love to gather stones...

As my children gather stones at the lake, I encourage them to try and read the stones. “All stones,” I tell them, “tell a story about where they have been.” “Some are good for skipping; some are important to hold up the earth, so that it doesn’t rush into the lake, and some are good for gathering.” It’s the gathering stones that we take with us as reminders of a particular day at the lake. These gathering stones are a beautiful representation of our past and a reminder to all of us of the depth of our existence.

With three children, we now have three times the amount of gathering stones that end up in our home. What went from one tiny little pile of stones has manifested itself into a daily part of my routine. I find rocks in my washing machine; I sit down at night to relax, after turning on the dryer, and I hear “klunk, klunk, klunk” resonating from my basement. I find rocks in the kids' beds, under my couch, in the pocket of my robe, and in the toy bin. I’ve even found the girls playing with stones in the bathtub.

Recently as I was walking I felt distracted by the weight of my purse. When I looked in my purse to see why I felt like I had been carrying one of my children with me, I realized that in essence I was carrying all three of them with me because there, in the bottom of my purse, were more than a dozen stones.

As we walk through motherhood, we also gather stones. Our stones are all those experiences and emotions that come along with motherhood. And just as the beauty of the stones my children gather often turn into heavy and sometimes painful reminders of a wonderful place, sometimes the experiences of motherhood become heavy and painful too.

We can’t always predict the emotions that will enter into our mothering days, but there is no escaping the reality that the unexpected experiences and emotions keep coming. At the first moment our child is placed in our arms, I think they hand us our very first stone of worry.

As they start to toddle around they hand us another stone of worry, and as they head off to school they kick back another stone of worry in our direction. And we, as good mothers do, gather these stones of worry and find that eventually they begin to weigh us down. So, how do we lessen the feel of “these” heavy stones in our lives?

First, I think we need to know that worry is a byproduct of fear, and fear has been carried on the backs of people throughout history. Perhaps this is the reason that “Be Not Afraid,” is the most repeated phrase in all of scripture; it is found over 300 times in the Bible. I don’t think that this message from God was repeated because Abraham, Moses or Jesus were particularly scary looking people. I think this phrase has been carried on the wings of history because at the core of our humanity, is the reality that so much of our future is unknown; and, when we can’t plan or predict moments in our lives - we fear them.

The important thing to remember as mothers is that there are two forms of worry: “Motivating Worry and “Debilitating worry”. Motivating worry helps us keep ourselves and the people around us safe and sound. If I am concerned about my son’s health, I take him to the doctor to have him checked out. This is motivating worry: it leads me to care for someone in my life and is rooted in action. Now, if the doctor does all sorts of tests and tells me that he is “healthy as an ox,” my next act should be to breathe a deep sigh of relief. If every night after that doctor’s visit I sit in worry about what could have been, I am manifesting debilitating worry, which is rooted in emotion. Can you recognize the difference?

In so many ways we need to grow in awareness of how we handle worry in our lives. How is that we can keep ourselves in the realm of motivating worry without slipping over into debilitating worry? I’ve developed a little practice in my own life that I would like to share with you. I always preface my spiritual talks with the message that some individuals need and require professional assistance when it comes to the many worries in our lives. But, for many of us I think that adopting, what I like to call, a Spirit of CALM is a helpful way to begin the process of acting on our worry in a healthy way.


The Spirit of….

Community
Action
Laughter
Mantra

Community: When we find ourselves in a state of worry we need to find someone to be with; because, in community we are often reminded of HOPE (a dear friend of mine once thought of hope in this way: Hang On, Possibilities Everywhere). When we are in community we see the many different faces of HOPE. Whether it is in the community in which we worship, a small faith-sharing group, or time with a trusted friend or spiritual director, when we are with others are burden is in many ways lifted. For this reason we must try to seek and maintain community-centered activities in our lives!

Action: As soon as we find ourselves overcome with worry we need to ask ourselves, “is there something I can do right at this moment to alleviate some of my worry?” For example, let’s say that I am worried about my health: If I make an appointment to go talk to my doctor, I can take an active step toward finding some relief for my worry. On the other hand, if I am worrying about something that might happen at some point down the road (for example, a natural disaster, an unexplained illness, etc), I need to find an action to perform to get my mind off that thought. For some, an aerobic exercise or activity often helps. For others, immersing themselves in a hobby can take an engaged mind off of the worry. Whatever it is that speaks to you, find an action that comforts your mind.

Laughter: For so many reasons we need to search out opportunities for laughter. Even at times of worry, we can laugh. Research has shown that there are amazing health benefits of laughter.

“Some of the positive effects include: building up our immune system, reducing food cravings, and increasing one's threshold for pain. There's even such a thing as humor therapy to help people heal more quickly. Humor also has several important stress relieving benefits. Laughter has been shown to reduce the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine, adrenaline, and dopamine. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters. As if that weren’t enough, laughter also increases the number of antibody-producing cells.” (http://www.seattletimes.nwsource.com/)

Need I say more? Seek out people, experiences, entertainment that make you laugh and welcome the benefits of a chuckle or two. I truly believe that the more we make laughter a part of our daily routine, the more we see the joyful humor in so many areas of our lives.

Mantra: Find a short phrase to repeat during moments of worry. It can be formed in the moment of concern, or it can be gleaned from your favorite prayer. Remember it’s not the words, but rather the sincerity with which the words are prayed that matters. Some examples are:


“Lord, grant me peace”
“God, settle my nerves”
“Heavenly Father, be with me”
“Lord, ease my breath”

Often at night, if I have a hard time falling to sleep or I wake up with worry, I find that praying a mantra helps to settle my body and mind. However, a mantra can be used at any point in your day. The repetitive nature of praying with a mantra naturally leads us to slow down our breath which can have a positive impact on our health. Give this a try the next time you feel your worry taking on a life of its’ own.

Until next time, we take a sacred pause...

Welcome, good people!

{image from Ms Ladyred's flickr site}

"It is such a happiness when good people get together--and they always do." (from Jane Austen’s Emma)
Welcome, good people! It is a privilege to welcome you to this new step along our paths! I’ve always loved the above quote from Jane Austen’s Emma, because in all it’s simplicity good people somehow always do find one another.

You notice that the quote doesn’t say, “It is such a happiness when perfect people get together.” I find such comfort in that! I think that this is a perfect place to begin our journey together…

What makes us experience joy along our walk of faith, is our willingness to walk together, not in perfection, but in honesty - to lift each other up, when the tides sneak up on us and knock us off our feet – to speak words of peace to restless and turbulent hearts, and to remind one another to BREATHE!

We know the health benefits of meditation and deep breathing. But, still we have become a society of shallow-breathers, moving so fast that our breath is running to keep up with our bodies. Take a moment, stop and breathe! Do this often and give your breath a voice; two common mantras that accompany my breath are: “Come, peace!” & “Enter, patience!” You might have a hint of what my daily life is like with these two mantras!

I welcome the challenge that is my life, because without the challenge – the joy wouldn’t taste so sweet! A journey of joy is not a journey free of challenge, but it is a journey rooted in something bigger than myself. To remind myself of this all-important message, I breathe… I hope that you will come breathe with me often! Until next time, we take a sacred pause……

Breathing Space

We enter this sacred space and breathe!

We come seeking a glimpse of inspiration and comfort.

We breathe and breathe, and breathe again.

Around us the prayers of those who journey in faith whisper, “trust.”

We hear them, and breathe in the summons!

We breathe and breathe, and breathe again.

The humor of God floods our space, and at times invites tears into our moment; the worry of our hearts often does the same.

We breathe and breathe, and breathe again.

The faces in our circle say, “I’ve been there; I know - hang on!”

We breathe and breathe, and breathe again.

We don’t fully understand the tides around us, but we believe in the One who moves them.

We’ve discovered sacred gifts that have been dreamed into existence for us by God.

We see exquisite possibilities in darkened spaces; we feel something of the sacred purpose of this life.

We breathe and breathe, and breathe again!

We are thankful for moments when we can breathe in the wisdom of this place!

We are grateful that those who have come before us have left behind a gift of breath, for moments when we can’t catch our own.

We breathe and breathe, and breathe again…
and then, the breath gives birth to New Life!

- Susan Major

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