11.24.2008
Finding Socks That Fit
My husband and I are big Seinfeld fans... So, it seems fitting that in talking about prayer I might find a connection with this hilarious series on television. For those of you who remember, may this be a comical reminder. For those who have not seen this, perhaps my description will help bridge the gap between it and our reflection on prayer!
Here’s the scene: Elaine has taken a job as a personal assistant for Mr. Pitts, a difficult and self-absorbed millionaire. Her job, on this given day, is to find Mr. Pitts a proper pair of white socks. Elaine is sitting exasperated on her knees in front of Mr. Pitts, among a sea of socks – all different sizes. As he tries on the socks, he shows his dissatisfaction with her selections by saying things like: “No, no...they’re too tight”; “these are too big, they won’t stay up”; “they’re to short, they’ll eventually bunch up” – you get the idea! It is a hysterical look at how sometimes, even with a multitude of options, we can’t ever find the right thing.
I think that this is often our view on prayer… We are constantly trying to find the prayer that “fits” us, and in the process we find ourselves saying: “it’s too tight and confining,” or “it’s too loose; is this really even prayer,” or my personal favorite: “does this really even count as prayer?” …and so on.
When I was first a mom, I had a beautiful little prayer space in my bedroom. We had a large room that included a dormer on our cape style house, and in it was a big comfy chair with a small table by its side, which held small reminders of spiritual experiences (prayer stones, angels, shells, etc.). Every day, faithfully, I would take time and sit down in the quiet to pray.
Well, that beautiful room has now been divided to make two bedrooms for the children, I had to get rid of the comfy chair because the kids poked a hole in it and started pulling out the stuffing, and don’t even ask me where those sweet little spiritual reminders went. In other words, our prayer takes on new forms as our faith journeys unfold. I like to call it “Living with the Winds of Change.”
To begin, we need to approach prayer with the understanding that our prayer forms may change depending on the needs of the moment. If we find that a particular prayer form isn’t working for us, then it’s o.k. to try something new. Let me say that again: “It’s o.k. to try something new!” I think that this is important because so many people grow up with the idea that there is only one way to pray. So, as we look at our prayer life now, we need to be honest about what is working and what isn’t.
Secondly, we need to approach God with honesty in our prayer. Remember, it’s not so much the words that are used, but rather the sincerity with which the prayer is presented. God already knows the state of my heart, which leads me to think that it’s not God that needs to hear me voice my prayer, but rather “me” that needs to hear my prayers voiced.
As I voice my prayer, I think about my working definition of prayer: anything that we think, say or do, that communicates to God that which is true to our heart at any given moment, is prayer.
So, in other words…the ways of praying are wrapped up in the many varied ways that we think, speak, and act. If we write, draw, paint, walk, sing, dance, or talk in a way that reflects our belief in God, we are praying. We just need to know that there are many different ways to pray. And if we are wondering if that prayer is pleasing to God, we only need to look to the sincerity of our words, thoughts or actions.
A Busy Mom’s Approach to Prayer:
The hardest thing for us as moms is finding time to quiet down, but we do need a moment of quiet in our day, and even I can find 90 seconds (even if it’s in the bathroom). There is nothing that replaces that silence.
I read once, in a book by Matthew Kelly, about a naval tradition in another country where upon learning of an attack or great peril, everyone on board stops and stands in silence for 90 seconds before responding; they call it a 90 second stop. I wonder how many people are praying in that 90 seconds?
We need time to try and connect with the divine, which is hard to do in the context of the noise, arguing, cleaning, constant needs, etc. So, in that 90 second stop, we really need a practice that will help us to quiet down are bodies and concentrate on our breathing. The use of a mantra can often help. If, in the midst of chaos I can call on a word or phrase that is familiar, I can often distract myself long enough (usually just a minute) so that I have greater clarity on the reality at hand.
Let’s face it: whatever stage are children are in – it’s challenging! Our perspective on these crazy lives, is often locked in our current reality. Someone might say to me “just wait until…” Well, we have to “wait” because until we are there, we can’t really know what that moment will mean to us. We can speculate, but we won’t really know.
As moms, I think we need something “to do” to help us call ourselves to prayer – an action. It could be a mantra, as we mentioned earlier. Perhaps a phrase such as “enter, peace” will help us to slow down the intensity of a moment.
Another idea comes from a friend of mine, who I believe heard this from another. But, the idea is to place a bowl somewhere in your home or your workplace, where you will see it often. Every time you experience a moment of joy or grace, pour a little water in the bowl. You get the idea: at the end of our day, it can often be hard to remember all the goodness, but the water can help us recall that in every day there is “something!”
I have a lot of visual reminders around my home, different pictures or items that to some may not seem like typical spiritual reminders, but to me are spiritually inspiring. No matter where I am in the house, I can turn to one of these reminders and it can give me reason to pause.
We can also explore the formal prayers that we learned growing up because, in so many ways, they connect us with all those throughout the journey that makes up “our story.” They connect us with the thread of faith that weaves its way through our lives– I find great comfort in that.
Last, but not least…invite your gifts into your prayer! There are natural gifts that you have, and what a wonderful way to honor your relationship with God to invite them into your prayer. So, my writing can be prayer; my singing can be prayer; my running can be prayer; my mothering can be prayer – it all depends on the perspective with which I enter into the action.
It was once said that St. Francis didn’t so much pray, as his life was Prayer...May your life today be Prayer…
Until next time, we take a sacred pause…
