I am so pleased that you have stopped by for another visit; I hope that you enjoy the newly added music! If you have subscribed to this site, please make sure that you respond to the e-mail verification; this will keep you informed of any updates made to the site. My hope is to provide you with new reflections, at least, once a week...Enjoy!
My children love to gather stones...
As my children gather stones at the lake, I encourage them to try and read the stones. “All stones,” I tell them, “tell a story about where they have been.” “Some are good for skipping; some are important to hold up the earth, so that it doesn’t rush into the lake, and some are good for gathering.” It’s the gathering stones that we take with us as reminders of a particular day at the lake. These gathering stones are a beautiful representation of our past and a reminder to all of us of the depth of our existence.
With three children, we now have three times the amount of gathering stones that end up in our home. What went from one tiny little pile of stones has manifested itself into a daily part of my routine. I find rocks in my washing machine; I sit down at night to relax, after turning on the dryer, and I hear “klunk, klunk, klunk” resonating from my basement. I find rocks in the kids' beds, under my couch, in the pocket of my robe, and in the toy bin. I’ve even found the girls playing with stones in the bathtub.
Recently as I was walking I felt distracted by the weight of my purse. When I looked in my purse to see why I felt like I had been carrying one of my children with me, I realized that in essence I was carrying all three of them with me because there, in the bottom of my purse, were more than a dozen stones.
As we walk through motherhood, we also gather stones. Our stones are all those experiences and emotions that come along with motherhood. And just as the beauty of the stones my children gather often turn into heavy and sometimes painful reminders of a wonderful place, sometimes the experiences of motherhood become heavy and painful too.
We can’t always predict the emotions that will enter into our mothering days, but there is no escaping the reality that the unexpected experiences and emotions keep coming. At the first moment our child is placed in our arms, I think they hand us our very first stone of worry.
As they start to toddle around they hand us another stone of worry, and as they head off to school they kick back another stone of worry in our direction. And we, as good mothers do, gather these stones of worry and find that eventually they begin to weigh us down. So, how do we lessen the feel of “these” heavy stones in our lives?
First, I think we need to know that worry is a byproduct of fear, and fear has been carried on the backs of people throughout history. Perhaps this is the reason that “Be Not Afraid,” is the most repeated phrase in all of scripture; it is found over 300 times in the Bible. I don’t think that this message from God was repeated because Abraham, Moses or Jesus were particularly scary looking people. I think this phrase has been carried on the wings of history because at the core of our humanity, is the reality that so much of our future is unknown; and, when we can’t plan or predict moments in our lives - we fear them.
The important thing to remember as mothers is that there are two forms of worry: “Motivating Worry and “Debilitating worry”. Motivating worry helps us keep ourselves and the people around us safe and sound. If I am concerned about my son’s health, I take him to the doctor to have him checked out. This is motivating worry: it leads me to care for someone in my life and is rooted in action. Now, if the doctor does all sorts of tests and tells me that he is “healthy as an ox,” my next act should be to breathe a deep sigh of relief. If every night after that doctor’s visit I sit in worry about what could have been, I am manifesting debilitating worry, which is rooted in emotion. Can you recognize the difference?
In so many ways we need to grow in awareness of how we handle worry in our lives. How is that we can keep ourselves in the realm of motivating worry without slipping over into debilitating worry? I’ve developed a little practice in my own life that I would like to share with you. I always preface my spiritual talks with the message that some individuals need and require professional assistance when it comes to the many worries in our lives. But, for many of us I think that adopting, what I like to call, a Spirit of CALM is a helpful way to begin the process of acting on our worry in a healthy way.
The Spirit of….
Community
Action
Laughter
Mantra
Community: When we find ourselves in a state of worry we need to find someone to be with; because, in community we are often reminded of HOPE (a dear friend of mine once thought of hope in this way: Hang On, Possibilities Everywhere). When we are in community we see the many different faces of HOPE. Whether it is in the community in which we worship, a small faith-sharing group, or time with a trusted friend or spiritual director, when we are with others are burden is in many ways lifted. For this reason we must try to seek and maintain community-centered activities in our lives!
Action: As soon as we find ourselves overcome with worry we need to ask ourselves, “is there something I can do right at this moment to alleviate some of my worry?” For example, let’s say that I am worried about my health: If I make an appointment to go talk to my doctor, I can take an active step toward finding some relief for my worry. On the other hand, if I am worrying about something that might happen at some point down the road (for example, a natural disaster, an unexplained illness, etc), I need to find an action to perform to get my mind off that thought. For some, an aerobic exercise or activity often helps. For others, immersing themselves in a hobby can take an engaged mind off of the worry. Whatever it is that speaks to you, find an action that comforts your mind.
Laughter: For so many reasons we need to search out opportunities for laughter. Even at times of worry, we can laugh. Research has shown that there are amazing health benefits of laughter.
“Some of the positive effects include: building up our immune system, reducing food cravings, and increasing one's threshold for pain. There's even such a thing as humor therapy to help people heal more quickly. Humor also has several important stress relieving benefits. Laughter has been shown to reduce the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine, adrenaline, and dopamine. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters. As if that weren’t enough, laughter also increases the number of antibody-producing cells.” (http://www.seattletimes.nwsource.com/)
Need I say more? Seek out people, experiences, entertainment that make you laugh and welcome the benefits of a chuckle or two. I truly believe that the more we make laughter a part of our daily routine, the more we see the joyful humor in so many areas of our lives.
Mantra: Find a short phrase to repeat during moments of worry. It can be formed in the moment of concern, or it can be gleaned from your favorite prayer. Remember it’s not the words, but rather the sincerity with which the words are prayed that matters. Some examples are:
“Lord, grant me peace”
“God, settle my nerves”
“Heavenly Father, be with me”
“Lord, ease my breath”
Often at night, if I have a hard time falling to sleep or I wake up with worry, I find that praying a mantra helps to settle my body and mind. However, a mantra can be used at any point in your day. The repetitive nature of praying with a mantra naturally leads us to slow down our breath which can have a positive impact on our health. Give this a try the next time you feel your worry taking on a life of its’ own.
Until next time, we take a sacred pause...
